My stomach did ten back-flips as we ascended. 
The smell of fresh popcorn and cotton candy left my nose as we headed skywards. I lifted my arms and touched the sky. The sun blinds me as I observe the sky. All of a sudden, with a lurch, I was crashing into the ground. I looked around and the world was a big colorful blur. Blood boiling screams deafen me. The air rushes into my lungs as I scream too. My arms cut through the air and the sweet smells of candy and popcorn fill my nose and mouth again.
Image found at: http://www.icanhascheezburger.com/
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Roller Coaster
Posted by Farah Weannara at 9:31 AM
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2 comments:
Roller Coaster
My stomach did ten back-flips as we ascended. The smell of fresh popcorn and cotton candy left my nose as we headed skyward. I lifted my arms and touched the sky. The sun blinded me as I observed the sky. All of a sudden, with a lurch, I was booming towards the earth. I looked around and the world was an immense colorful blur. Blood boiling screams deafened me. The air rushed into my lungs as I screamed too. My arms cut through the air and slowly, the sugary smells of cotton candy and popcorn fill my nose and mouth again.
I discovered that you really like using hyperbole statements. Your description was very detailed and you used fantastic vocabulary. Although your entry was not long, it had enough detail to fill a one page essay. You did an amazing job in showing and not telling. Though one thing you could do to improve your writing is that at some parts it seems as if you are listing ideas. This piece of writing is amazing.
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